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The Sichuan Broadcasts

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Broadcast three: An irreversible mental event. (last)

All this is a very confused and rather pathetic vindication, I know.

   But that's only because I have forgotten my Torah. When I was lying on my back in the Garden of Independence in Jerusalem, watching the stars in the dead of night, I hadn't yet forgotten it. I still saw the infinite perfection of the Law.I still knew how all possible objections were actually the questions to be asked to reveal the new meanings meant for our generation. The Jews had wandered through cultures and civilizations to learn new languages and translate the Teaching in human words. Many of them got lost along the way, driven astray by their craving for wealth, lust or fame. Apostates and renegades settled and made great careers among the nations, a wonder and a puzzle in their eyes. They launched the most successful heresies, led the largest movements and shed new lights in the darkness of the human soul. They left the fold, but they couldn't forget the vociferations of the prophetes; they couldn't get rid of their habit of questioning. They left, and took away with them the single spark that each one had grabbed from the burning bush, and that is how the nations get word of it. I had believed that I was meant to contribute my knowledge of some dialects of the language of Concept to the translation needed for our generation. But I had got lost too. I was damned. I couldn't be His servant, but I would accomplish His will nevertheless and become a stray seed broadcasted against the wind of history, a ferment among the people. I wouldn't have a share in the world to come, but I would take part in its coming. I told myself that I would become an atheist again, a better tool, unconscious, in His hands. I accepted, and offered a silent prayer of thanksgiving.
  That's how I entangled myself in an inextricable theological snare. To this day, I am embarrassed when asked whether I am an atheist or not; and that's a problem in any maoist organization.

Posted by jeudi at freesurf dot fr, on 28/08/04 in Actualités.